I’ve been wondering why Sajan cries when he’s sleepy. On one hand the easiest thing to do would be to throw up the white flag and… sleep? But on the other it’s clear that it’s his baby nervous system talking, saying “This is hard for me!! Please help me settle down”.
As Sajan’s awareness and curiosity has grown in recent months, we’ve had to adapt our strategies to get him to rest. And alongside this sleep lab, I’ve pulled together a running set of field notes on the topic.
Warmth
Warmth is a primitive the originated in the womb. In the very earliest days, recreating this environment meant chest to chest naps. But those days seem mostly behind us (and we are devastated). Now contact requires a little more creativity. Some skin to some skin all that it takes to send calming signals up to his little brain.
Neck to elbow
Sajan’s neck sits inside the pit of my elbow in the lay flat rock. Really effective! But challenging to get the elbow out from under when transfering.
Neck to neck
In month three Sajan was all about neck-to-neck, since all he would want was to be carried over the shoulder. There’s something really nice about necks nestled within one another.
Palm to scalp
Palm to scalp is a force multiplier on top of the lay flat rock. The palm creates heat on the scalp once it’s in contact for a while.
Motion
Motion is the other primitive, from when Sajan flopped around all day in the womb. My favorite tool for motion is the yoga ball. It’s got a really soothing spring-like motion wave. A simple up and down pattern doesn’t cut it for Sajan anymore. There needs to be acceleration and deceleration to soothe. So the yoga ball or a bouncy squat. Another form of movement that Sajan likes is breath. He seems to instantly calmed by diaphragmatic breathing.
Technique
Bum taps are an effective way to calm Sajan. Generally slow, firm taps work most effectively. I imagine this is because a “wave” of energy is sent up the entire body after a tap versus a localized tap somewhere.
Sajan now associates darkness and sleep. In his third month I’d take him to the bathroom and close door to make it pitch black before rocking him to bed. Now the nursery is always dim and I emphasize that by hovering my hand over his eyes once he’s drowsy.
Pinning Sajan’s arms down is also an effective way to tell his subconscious that everything is ok. After putting him down it helps to sit beside him for 5-10 minutes to play whack a mole with various startles. Eventually they fade.
When Sajan is 90+% asleep and in my arms, I’ll also let his head bobble slightly. This random movement seems to really “lock in” the sleep. Similarly, I’ll stroke his head or hair just like I’d like it.
Challenges
Transfers
The position that Sajan goes to sleep in is different than the position he actually sleeps in, making transfers out of our arms one of the trickiest things. Even the finest movements can wake him. The lay flat rock is difficult because removing the hand from under the elbow really disturbs the head.
Sudden movements
More generally, any sudden movement or change in environment will alert Sajan’s nervous system. So when settling him down I try to make changes as slow as possible. Sometimes just turning on the sound machine will jostle him. So instead I’ll start a low volume and ramp up slowly. When I’m getting up from the yoga ball, I’ll use the force last bounce to shoot up so that the lift is not sudden. I’ll continue rocking in my hands up till the moment his head heads the mattress. And when removing my palm from his scalp, I’ll sometimes go finger by finger to avoid a sudden loss of heat.
We spend a lot (lot) of time putting Sajan to sleep, now 4-5x per day. It can be frustrating and long, and it’s easy to want it to be done or get lost on a phone. But I remind myself every time that these days are limited and that it’s really so special to be rocking our baby to bed.