Writing from the (near!) end of my breastfeeding journey. We’re 8 months in and as expected, none of motherhood follows a plan.
Initially, I didn’t know what I wanted when it came to breastfeeding. I mostly thought I’d give it a shot and see how it went given I’d heard of so many varied experiences. Sajan latched right out of the womb so that basically answered my questions from day 1. My mom was the unofficial official leader who ensured I had lactation support in literally every form for months. From the ladoos to the crackers on an monthly subscription from Vidya’s kitchen, I was a fortunate to be a high functioning milk factory.
Nursing was a beautiful time with Sajan. Don’t get me wrong, the initial cluster feeding (love hate relationship with Huckleberry) and constant skin irritation was frustrating, tiring, incredibly painful. Over time, it became a treasured time between us. Especially as I returned to work, I loved being able to take breaks to actually see him during the day! I built this human from only breastmilk for 6 months. For that, I am damn proud. Would I do it again? Jury is still out.
On the flip, I despised pumping. As a productivity obsessed human, I pumped religiously and built up a stash as I planned for my return to work. Working from home made it a little more straight forward to slowly build a slight excess supply that would end up feeding him until the end of 2025. That 4/5am pump was a necessary evil for months because it was naturally the biggest supply of the day.
Alllllll of this came to a screeching halt when we took our first international trip to India at the end of November. I had no clue that a 24 hour journey with a myriad of unexpected factors would make it really difficult and unnecessarily stressful to keep up my supply while abroad. The dehydration, almost all carb no protein diet, zero routine, limited pumping ability cut my supply almost immediately. I naively brought only 1 box of formula thinking that would be sufficient and he had his first bottle the night we landed. By the end of the trip he was basically 80% formula. Shout out to Zepto (delivery in less than 3-5 minutes, yes, you read that right) and Aptamil in India for making sure Sajan was fed at all hours. My decision was basically made for me again. I knew I could have brought up the supply in the states but it was a hill I didn’t want to climb again.
I can’t forget the pumps parts! The WORST part. The duck valves and the little plastic pieces that I don’t know the names of. Spectra, Elvie, hand pump, the storage bags, bottles, coolers, ice packs. Damn what a trip. I packed these up in a box a couple weeks ago. Goodbye and good riddance. For now.
These days, I’m down to about 1 feed a day and know that will slowly dwindle with time. It’s bittersweet. But I reflect on this time with so much grace and gratitude.
- I’m in awe for the 95845th time. Of the female body and of this experience. This body can create milk and feed a child? What?
- I am thankful that we’ve taken a few steps forward to make it a little better to nurse and pump in airports and wellness rooms around the world. We still have plenty of progress to make, but it’s a fantastic start.
- God bless formula. And access to it.
I think I’ll miss the soft tender cuddles with my baby the most.
